feel LIKE zero

alhamdulillah..syukur..
aku masih lagi sempat menjalankan ibadah ramadhan this year..
masuk ramadhan nie.. genaplah 27 tahun aku melaluinyer..
time goes so fast..
my childhood time more meriah..
more terasa.. cuz what.. feel like cannot tahan nak sambut ramadhan n raya..
biler dah dewasa... Dah 27 tahun.. i'm no more feel excited..
but more to do the best starting this month..
masa kecik2 dlu.. or masa skolah la snang.. aku excited sangat bulan puasa nak dekat..
excited sbb nak raya,, nak buat biskut raya.. nak kemas rumah.. nak cat dll..
tp mak n ayah.. slumber jer..
aku sibuk nak buat awal2... tp mama n ayah, dah lagi brp hari nak raya baru tukar n kemas umah cun2..
masa aku kcik2.. excited nyer beli baju raya.. tp mama n ayah slumber jer..
aku suker dgr alunan muzik lagu raya.. tp mama n ayah.. besejer..
makcik2 aku pun beserjer.. mcm x excited..
diorg ckap.. masa diorg kcik2 mcm aku jugak very excited..
tp biler dah besar.. x rasa aper2 pun..
aku pelik.. takkanlah..
then, kakak sdara aku yang dah menginjak umur 27yrs old.. time tu aku 21..
dia ckp die rasa biasa jer bile raya time datang,...
x seseronok zaman kanak2 dlu..
aku selalu tnyer dalam hati.. betul ke die x rasa aper2.. or die ader problem time tu..
sbb aku percaya.. sumer org akan rasa seronok sangat n feel so special for that day... no matter how old they are..

BUT NOW... & TODAY..
this is what i feel..
nothing special..
nothing happy..
what i feel is i have to collect as much ibadat n pahala that i can for my future..
that's all.
i'm no more excited to clbrate raya this year..
i feel like no taste..
no sweet..
no bitter..
nothing..
feel like the normal day i was..

WHY???
am i getting older??
yup.. that's a good reason..
no wonder the eldest before always says to me..
u only feel very excited in your kids time..
once u getting old..
u won't feel like this somemore..
it just an ordinary day..
what u always think is what gonna happen to you in future..
THAT'S TRUE..
i think i already feel it today..
i'm no more excited to wish ramadhan to each of frenlist in my handphone..
no more excited to reply the nice poems about ramadhan..to my fren who had wishing me..
what i only reply is thank you n may allah bless..

NOW I BELIEVE .. TIME WILL CHANGE MORE FAST THAN I ESTIMATED..
WHAT I WANT TO SAY HERE IS TONIGHT I FEEL soooooo....ZERO..

i need sleep... gudnite Lyn