aper yg kita akan buat dalam situasi mcm nie??????

huh..mcm stress kan ayat aku ni??..
mmg stress, tapi terkawal..
hari ni hari ahad,
sepatutnyer aku kat klas ptg skrg,
tapi, disebabkan aku leh menaip pd waktu nie..
sekaligus pecah rahsia bahawasanyer..
aku telah ponteng dan berada di atas katil di dalam bilik sambil menaip cerita dlm diary ni.. hah..
kan ker noty tue.. ponteng klas..
tapi aku x senang pun berada dalam situassi mcm nie..

sebenranyer, niat aku lain..
mmg ari ni aku dah ready cam beserla nak p klas..
tapi pepagi tadi, adik sedara aku call,
dia tnyer aku x call wan ke..? nenek aku..
aku ckp la belum..knaper?..
dia kata, wan sorg2 ajer ri ni..
pakcik sedara aku kuar p somewhere 3 ari..
hah...dgr jer, terus aku decide nak p umah wan petang balik klas..
tapi bila fikir balik, klas abis kul 4.30,
setle sume..on da way confirm smpi umah wan dlm pkul 6..
pastu kul 8 dah balik..
sekejap sangat..
kesian pulak wan nnti..

dan disilah kisahnyer bermula,...
aku pg2 tadi decide,
xperlah.. aku ponteng klas kul 2 ni..(skrg ni)..
abis klas kul 12.30 nnti, balik umah.. mkn..sembahyang..
pastu p shopping brg sikit utk wan..
aku tgk dapur wan dah xder aper sgt..
so ingt nak bli la mcm2..
biar penuh balik..

sampai umah, aku pun mkn..
smbil makan.. tergerak hati nak kol wan dlu..
tnyer aper dia buat..
sajer nak warming up.. huhu..
hati n pemikiran org tua,.. sensitif..
so.. nak tgk dlu la mood dia..
hopefully dia ok..

unfortunately..
dia angkat phone dalam nada yg x berapa ok..
mcm x berapa mengalu2kan aku kol..
bukan aku nak dialukan pun..
mmg t/jwb aku pun nak kol dia..
septtnyer aku kol dia tiap2 hari..
tp disebbkan kesibukan masa..aku selalu x berkesempatan..
wlupun tiap2 hari aku selalu teringat nak kol dia..
mmg nampak mcm mudah..
setakat tekan no n letak fon kat telinga..
tapi pernah x org terfikir..
waktu yg sesuai utk kol..??
hrmm pelik kan?.. masih lg sibuk nak fikir waktu?..
yup.. betul.. aku selalu fikirkan waktu..
sbb aper?:
wan dah tua, klu nak kol pagi biasanya dia baring lepas solat rehatkan badan..
xkan aku nak kcu..dah lah malam dia susah nak tido..
so pagi tu, bg lah peluang dia rehat,..
kul 10 keatas,.. aku dah start bz.. nak angkat kol mmg xkan lah..
time rehat baru ader time kol..
tapi tu pun time x menentu,,
hrmm..
aku risau sangat klu anything happen kat dia time dia sibuk2 nak angkat kol..
takut dia jatuh sbb tmpat dia rehat n phone agak jauh sikit..
aku sgt risau..
nak kol pkul 1, takut jugak,.. takut dia rushing dari bilik air sbb ambil wudhuk utk zohor kan..
risau betul..
pas kul 1.. mmg aku bz la.. xdpt nak simply kol..
n pastu, mmg time dia rehat pulak..
lagi x mo kcu..
biasalah org tua klu dah barin, mmg la susah nak bangun..
aku tgk pun x sampai hati.. nak angkat, dia x bg..
dia kata bleh buat sendiri..
tu lah nenek aku.. seorg yg tabah n kuat..
dia xsuker ikutkan perasaan susah dia..
dia x perlukan pertolongan org..
dia boleh buat sendiri..

hah.dah jauh betul penerangan aku ni..
pttla rasa cam lenguh jer lengan ni..
panjang sangat taipan huhuhu..

hah ok..sambung balik time mkn tadi..
kan aku tergerak hati nak kol n tnyer kaba kan..
wan aku angkat la dlm nada yg serius:

wan: halo...(nada mcm bengang)
aku: wan..(lembut jer cam takot2)
wan: sapa ni?..(biasalah suara aku susah nak cam)
aku:ni lin la wan..
wan: hah.. aper hal?..(nada up sikit)
aku:gulpppp..(telan ait liur sat nak sambung).. sepatutnyer aku tnyer wan buat aper tu.. tp sbb wan mcm nak cepat jer ckp, terus aku tnyer.."wan nak kirim aper2 ker?.. nk p bli brg ni...(mcm x sesuai kan permulaan conversation,..xtnyer kaba bagai, tetibe citer pasal brg)...hrmmm
wan:x nak..
aku: ok, xperla... lin datang umah wan erk?..
wan: kenapa?..(uit.. tnyer soklan tu?...)
aku: sajer jer...
wan: hrm..dtglah..
aku: ok wan
wan: tut..tut..tutttt.. as usual klu bengang, terus letak fon..
perasaan aku masa tu.. ??.. kosong...x tau nak xplain..
tapi aku dapat rasa something..
xsampai seminit,

tepon aku ringing..
no umah wan..
kan betul apa yg aku rasa.
aku: halo wan..
wan: xpayah datanglah..
aku:naper??
wan: wan nak kuar sekejap ni
aku:wan nak p maner?
wan: ader nak kuar kejap..xyah datang.
aku: orait..(bkn tu sebenarnyer aku nak ckp)
pastu dia letak fon.

sbb wan aku ni.. selama aku duduk n kenal dia, dia bkn sebarangan org..
dia wanita yg ego..

sbb tu aku x berani tnyer lebih2..klu dia x dapat jawab nnti, lg dia bengang..
aku tau..
imagine kalau aku tnyer, wan nak p maner?..umah saper..bla..bla..bla.. in detail..
do u think she can answer all my questions smoothly?
nope, sbb aku tau dia x pi mana2 pun..
dia just mmg x nak aku dtg tgk dia x sihat..
dia xnak org tgk dia x sihat..
dia rasa nnti org kesian kat dia...
dia xnak org rasa kesian kat dia..
aku faham sangat wan aku ni..
dia mg wanita yg ego..dan berdikari.

skrg aku kat sinilah..
nak p klas mmg x sempat..
ikutkan hati mmg nak p jer umah dia..
tapi klu dia x bukak pintu how?..
perkara mcm tu dah brp kali jadi dah..
so aku serba salah skrg..
aku nak p ker x..
klas confirm mmg dah x dapat masuk..
lambat dah..

biasanya klu aku g tau makcik2 n mak aku.. confirm soh p jer..
sbb wan aku msti ader kat umah..
dia x kuar mana pun..
tapi kali ni aku decide x nak g tau sesaper..
biarla aku buat keputusan sendiri..
aku x p umah wan..
sbb aku rasa mungkin wan perlukan privacy time ni..
msti ader sensitive things happen within her mind n heart..
so i decided no to see her..
next time i will go..
once she's ok..
sbb klu aku p pun.. surely aku x dapat masuk..
drpd buat dia marah, baik biar dia cool..
dr buat aku nangis x dapat masuk..
baik aku tabahkan hati aku kat umah..
sedih tau kalau x dapat masuk umah dia kalau dah sampai..
sepanjang drive balik nnti aku leh nanges.
sensitive kan?.. tu lah lin..

i truely love my grandma..
but lately, we were not so closed n understand each other anymore..
i feel so far from her..
and i keep trying to fix back our relationship..
but she's seem like didn't trust me anymore..
i feel like i'm not her favourite n lovely grandaughter anymore..
no one know my feeling..
i'm really hearthbroken bcoz of this..
i love wan so much..
she still never believe dat i love her!!!
i do no..what should i do..
everything i'd try were worst..
what i can see.. we are becoming so far from each other..
n i'm so frustrated dat she couldn't trust me once..
she always said wht dat i'm telling her are lie..
she always think bad of me..
why?..
i do no what i had done until she judge me like this..
i keep on search n search on how to retake back her heart..
i miss those moment when i'm kids...
she love me so much..
she hug n kiss me everytime..
but now..
i always cry when i reach home after visit her..
bcoz, she didn't let me to hug or kiss her..
she said i'm not sincere
how to show my sincere??..

dat's all..
pity me right??

but i never forget to pray for her life since i'm a small kids until now after prayers
my doa is always same.
may allah give her a good health, do not let her sad, let her always feeling cheers.. bcoz i'm fine when she's feeling good.
all da best for her..

and i do hope our relationship nenek n cucu, can be as good as i'm kids cuz i do really miss dat moment so much..
i really want to feel it back..
how long i've been waiting for this moment to come..
until know, what i feel is far..
i'm feel far from her..

and i hope before anything happen to me or to wan,
we can be together n happy again,,
if not, surely i will feel guilty n bad along my life............................................................




 

huh..what a sad story...

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried

Lot's of Things Happened

well,.. at last sumer setle..
yesterday was my brother's (mohd Suffian) wedding ceremony..
alhamdulillah
sumer pun berjalan dgn lancar..
walaupun ader hujan sikit..

hrmm..
banyak betul perkara yang berlaku dalam 2 minggu lepas,
chapter by chapter:
1- aku p RHB training kat bangi
2- abang pyan nikah kat masjid puchong
3-abang pyan bersanding kat umah semalam..

orait let start with training in Bangi..
huh.. really tired..
at da first time feel like i want to cry along my journey back from the training.
mana x nyer,.. pergi kul 6am.. balik kul 7lbih, sampai umah kul 9pm..
jalan pulak jem tahap gaban..
sebab aper sedih?..
sebab x dapat tengok matahari jer huhuu
bengong erk??..
tapi tulah aper yg aku rasa..
penat!!
1st time dalam hidup aku, aku rasa penat drive..
bayangkan, ulang alik awal pagi n petang ke Bangi..
samapi umah malam..
huuu.. gilerlah xdapat nak luangkan time ngn Family..
betul2 mencabar minda heeee
Tapi aku positif la.. seb baik 2 minggu jer..

erm.. pengalaman jugak tu,
aku dah rasa mcm maner merananyer org yg keje jauh..
xtau la diorg tp aku.. mmg xkan..
kalau ditransferkan..
n jauh.. surely will look for a new job no matter what :)
aku x munkin akan sewa rumah..
mana boleh jauh dgn mama n ayah ..
risau jugak perasaan macam ni..
klu aku kwen n dapat suami jauh mcm maner??..
boleh ker???.... takotnyer..
harap dpat dekat2 la.. leh ulang alik ^_^
hik3x.. ader ker??

ha.. nak di jadikan cerita.. mcm2 hal jugak yg terjadi time training,..
nyaris2 aku x dapat tgk hari bersejarah abang aku lafazkan akad nikah kat masjid sbb x boleh cuti..
tapi aku btul2 bersyukur,..
allah tahu perasaan masa tu..
masa aku redha walaupun sedeh, x dapat nak cuti utk temankan abg aku nikah.
bila menjelang hari pernikahan,
lagi lah sedih.. org sumer sibuk2 siapkan baju
aku pulak sibuk siapkan diri utk p Training..
bertambah sedih, bila aku g tau abg aku x dapat dtg majlis dia, dia rasa sedih sgt..
aku aper lagi.. lepas ckp terus la blah.. takut berjujuraiii air mata depan dia nnti huhuhuhu..

masa dlm klas, mmg x tumpu perhatian pun..
sibuk memikirkan perasaan abg..
dia msti kecewa, satu2 nyer adik perempuan dia.. n org paling rapat dgn dia x dapat dtg..
n dalam masa yg sama, aku cuba meredhakan diri n berdoa agar majlis ab aku berjalan lancar..
Tapi Allah itu lagi maha mengetahui,..
dia tau aper yg aku rasa..
sungguh x sangka hari jumaat 2/11/12, my class finished early around 4.20pm..
walaupun aku tahu aku x dapat jadi saksi pernikahan tu, tp aku gagahkan diri jugak drive sepantas yg mungkin utk tgk saki baki majlis tue..
dalam masa yg sama jugak, ader sorg classmate ni nak tumpang p puchong..
dgn adernyer dia, perjalanan jadi lancar sbb x sesat hehe..
alhamdulillah,

sampai depan masjid, aku cuber contact ayah..
once ayah pickup, ayah tnyer aku kat maner?..
aku ckp aku kat depan masjid.
ayah terkejut.. ayah suh aku masuk n park cepat,..
ruper2 nyer majlis baru nak start wlupun time tu dah pkul 5pm..
hoh.. aper lagi.. kegembiraan terlampau lah aku..
rasa mcm nak lompat dlm kete tu jugak..
bersyukur yg teramat..
hanya allah yg tahu perasaan aku masa tu..
gembira x terkata tatkala melihat abg aku duduk bersila mengadam tok kadi sambil mendengar penjelasan n ceramah..
tetiber aku rasa dia mcm dpt rasa aku dtg.
Dia toleh belakang n see me hehe..
nampak dia senyum sgt happy..
aku pun rasa sangat puas ati n gembira yg teramat..
syukur ya allah..

sempat jugaklah aku record pic n video time nikah tu.
x sangka abg aku yg biasanya serius n garang leh almost menitiskan air mata masa tok kadi memberi nasihat n dorrongan utk menjadi seorg suami yg baik.
tersentuh hati aku tgk huhuh..

but alhamdulillah,
sumer berjalan lancar..
amin..

ok la have to sleep
tmoro start new job at new place..
hope everything will gonna be ok:)
amin...

 

Hope everything will be fine n smooth..

Well..esok i mean consider hari ni 02/11/2012 la yer sbb dah kul 12.13am.. abg aku akad nikah..
alhamdulillah jodoh dah sampai..
i'm so happy with him..
but i feel offended..
cuz.. i didn't get leave to see the big ceremony on da day cuz i'm on training..
what a bad feeling n unlucky day..

i'm not pity @ my self..
but i'm sure my brother will be dissapointed with that..
cuz, just now when i told him dat i couldn't come tgether..
he said why?..his not angry..
but while i'm talking with him..his actually on call..
eventhough his smile.. i can feel he so sad..but don't want to show it..
if i put myself in his shoes..i oso will feel down ..
y??.. bcoz, we don't have big family.. where got many of sibblings dat can accompany or substitute each other when someone canot make it to come..
cuz i'm the only sister dat he has.. we are very closed since kids..
n we sharing our problem tgether..
but y on this big day.. i'm not in..???
n the harsh think is..
i feel i want to quit if i can't get this leave..
from da last monday i kept on thinking bout this..
thinking bout how i want to apply for leave in dis situation whre i just start my new work..??
how??..is it possible to get leave??

i tried to call n ask my boss..
eventhough his seem's like cool,
but he can't release me for that, cuz of the management..
he felt sorry for me n said, if he can, he will try to release me..
but he oso been tied up with the mngment rule..
he can do nothing..
i oso shouldn't ask for dat actually..
cuz i know, upon training.. we not allowed to leave or miss unless if there are some emergncy things happen...

than, yesterday, i told my parent..i might not come on abg pyan nikah day's bcoz of this training..
my parent gave a positive reply..
they said.. i shouldn't worry n keep said to me dat i no need to worry..just focus to my work.. they can handle it..
what to do.. i'm not self employed..work under pple.. have to follow da rule..
i feel so glad n praise to allah cuz having an understanding parent..
some more they support me to focus on my training..
alhamdulillah..
once they said dat,, it's just like a big stone in my head had falling down n my head feel so light..

n now.. how i want to meet my brother n said i'm sorry for this..
sorry for couldn't come for his nikah day..
tomorrow, early in da morning i will go bangi..
i should see n talk to him tonite..
but i'm scared if i will cry hrrmmmm.

nvermine, i will knock his room this morning...
salam..n wish him all da best..
n if can finish early.. i will rush to come..
cuz his time is after asar..
n i heard my class tomorrow might finish early at 4pm.
so for sure i will come eventhough i can't see the akad nikah time's..

huh.. suddenly feel, my family gonna be change..
normally with 5 mmbers, now additional 1 mmber..
huh.. my brother will become a husband..
abg yg menjadi sahabat paling rapat ..
abg yg paling aku sayang..
kdg2 gaduh..
bergurau mcm budak kcik eventhough dah besar mcm ni..
abg yg banyak bantu n nasihat aku,..
yg penting, dia adalah abg yg paling penyayang, yang paling tegas menjaga akhlak aku supaya menjadi seorg perempuan yg dihormati.
Yg paling banyak
paling byk bertolak ansur dgn perangai aku ..
mcm2.. he is da best abg that i ever had in dis world..!!!!
thank you allah for ur gift..
alhamdulillah..

semoga sumernyer berjalan dgn baik dan diredhai allah..
hanya doa yg x putus2 utk kedua mempelai yg dapat aku bagi untuk abg aku n bakal kakak ipar.
hanya allah shj yg tahu betapa x tenteramnya hati aku saat ini..
serba salah n sedih sbb x dapat nak join..
x dapat nak angkat barang hantaran sesama..
x dapat nak pakai n hiaskan baju n tudung mama..
mama kne adjust n pakai kerongsang sendiri mcm aku ajar tadi..
sedihnya x dapat nak tolong....

dah lah..
nnti ternangis pulak aku kat cnie..
cukup lyn..
hope tomorrow all be fine n good..
semoga segalanya diredhai, dipermudahkan dan dipelihara allah s.w.t..
amin...