Morning Diary..

Teruknya muka aku hari ni..

Aku kne hadapi... aku kene kuat..

Malam tadi aku mmpi dia... rindunya..

aku mmpi... dia masih berborak dgn aku..
\masih menggunakan perkatann syg n b..
aku tertanya dalam hati.. kenapa masih guna perkataan tu wlupun dah putus?.
Tapi aku diamkan jer.. sbb aku rasa tenang dgr perkataan tu dr mulut dia..
bahagia hidup aku..
dalam masa yg sama.. aku x nak putus..
aku rasa aku nak tunggu dia samapi umur dia 25..
bermaksud masa tu umur aku 32..
aku rela..

Tapi bila aku bangun..
Mmpi rupa nya..
n tak mungkin realitinya aku sanggup menunggu ..
sdgkan setahun pun x jadi kahwin..
inikan 2 tahun.... mungkin akan ada reason lain nnti yg dtg..
sia2 lah pengorbanan masa aku selama ni nnti..

Ya allah..kuatkan hatiku dan iman ku..

dah azan subuh..

26/02/14 - END

Today is the end of our relationship..
until here .. I have to stop to love him anymore..
I have to.. even though deep in my heart.. I DON'T WANT

I just receive his family decision.
they said;
-He is not matured
-Not yet further degree
-not stabil
-if he still want to get married.. his parent don't want to masuk campur.. cuz scared if he blame parent if anything wrong after married.

dats all

so I decide................ break off is better.

may I will be strong tonite..tomorrow n forever
 

Erm.. my Diary....

Luckily I got u ..
I can share with u all my feelings.

Tonite.. I'm feelin down..
down n down..

He said he afraid to tell about us to his parent..
he sad..
how if we have to be separate..??
what a question?
hrm..

He said he can't say anything when I ask about his opinion regarding his parent decision tomorrow.
because he don't want to give me any hope..
But why only now he not confident?
why only now he said he don't want to let me hope..
why?..
I'm hoping..i'm planning... I imagined how beautiful my life with him in future..
I be as kind person as I can towards him
becoz I love him more than my self..

and at the end..
he said.. he not sure whether his parent will accept our rltnship or not..

I'm speechless..

i accept it if the answer is no..
becoz i know there is my sin dat i did to my family.

i only hope.. i can face it strongly..
i can handle it myself..
i can forget him forever...........................

Honestly i'm so scared

I'm so scared to lose him...
i do really scared..

I'm curious about a girl..
the girl that i always though who have close connection with him..

I'm feel so relax n cool once i deleted him from my frenlist..
but suddenly.. i feel like i want to see what is the progress ofhim n the gurl..

I'm shocked.. she's wearing tudung..
and she's look so nice..
automatically.. i thought she's been encourage by him..
maybe he love her..
than ask her to wear tudung..
and bcoz of that she's started to change..
she look more more better..

WHAT HAPPEN TO ME??!!
I'M SCARED IF SHE GET HIM.
I'M SCARED HE LEAVE ME AND CHOSE HER..

Then i had sent msg to him asking about her..
and I'm kind like stupid asking an idiot question
Why She Changed?
Why She wearing tudung?
Is it Bcoz u ask her to do so?
and he just laugh and said why I'm so jealous..
he didn't do anything..
maybe she herself want to change..
its good.. (n I'm feelin dummy)..

and i saw her cover photo in FB..
i miss u..
seem like she is falling in love..
I'm worry if it is with u..
But he said no..
He said.. he didn't contact her anymore..
I'm feel release a bit..

But Just now..
i just want to see her Pic of I MIss U dat she made as her Cover photo..
and I'm really shocked.. the one who press like is HIM..
what the ...??

He said he didn't cntact to her anymore..
but y.. he's the only one press like on the picture?
what is that mean?
He fall in love with her..
agreed with the picture she had chose.

What Is This???!!!
am i too paranoid?...
Please ...

I'm worried :(
 

Memang x kan kemana hbngn aku dgn kamu..
U r not sincere with me..
U r hiding something..

Its ok..
I think.. I should slowly forget u..
try to let u go..
I can't hate u..

Its my wrong ..
choosing u as my soul..

im happy u found ur own life without me..
I'm happy u can live independent already without me
atlease there is something I did for u..
cares u as da most important people in my life..
I teach u a lot of thing..
I assist u a lot also..
I'm happy I can assist someone..

I hope u happy with ur new life
u found perfect girl for u future already
I let u go...........

I hope soon u will know..
u given me da joyful life together dat I never ever met before..
exactly one year is my happy life with u..
u r my strength.. u r my hero..
u r da only men dat I can share everything..
Thank you for sharing those with me..